Can I be in pain, yet laugh?
My joy betrays my sorrow.
Can I feel like singing, yet weep?
My sorrow betrays my joy.
And so,
To pacify them both
I choose a side to stand.
I cling to joy and close my eyes
I sing and laugh and smile.
I shut out the things too hard to feel
And steal away a while.
The pain, the fear are silenced here-
Their presence shoved inside.
“I choose joy!”
I’ve picked a side.
But my sorrow lingers…
It longs to find its voice.
“I have no home!” its long lament-
“You said you’ve made your choice.”
It weeps within, bottled up for never.
I told it to shut up.
Where should my tears go?
When shall my pain speak?
Joy has no need of it.
Perhaps, I should not have chosen a side.
Could they meet?
Could they talk?
Could they cry and laugh together?
Dance.
Dance together.
Joy can learn a mournful dirge.
Sorrow can learn a jig.
One step. Two. Dance together.
When joy and sorrow dance-
I can celebrate good leadership, while I call out what’s not right.
I can weep for dark injustice, while I cheer for truth and light.
I can mourn for the dark inside of me while I rejoice at the grace I’m given.
I can cling to hope and hope for peace
While I see the lack this side of Heaven.